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75: He said everything except "RAAARGGHH!!!"
He said everything except

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So long, and thanks for all the fish
Today's strip concerns the site currently residing at number 1 at The Funny Papers. This particular "comic", and I use the term loosely (I'll explain why), suddenly came on early this month and blitzed the other strips. Claiming to be "the most popular comics site on the internet", moving in on the rather light competition like sending in Michael Jordan into a 3rd grader's basketball game. When the other people on the list, previously enjoying the friendly competition, put together a Petition (SIGN IT!), to complain, Gaspirtz (hereafter known as "Asspritz" for obvious reasons) left a few whiny remarks at the 3fs forum, to the general effect of "I rule, you suck", "Stop excercising free speech otherwise I'll send my lawyers after you" and "I eat dog food". Yes, he really said that. Now this alleged "comic" satisfies the definition of comic (barely) in that there are drawn elements. Otherwise, it's one giant spam portal, with ads galore (even INSIDE the damn "comics"). The "comics" look more like an afterthought with all the advertising coming first, then the "humour" later. Also, for a "cartoonist", this Asspritz guy has absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever, and sounds more like a pretentious ****er. Pierre Luc Brunet, or Fuitad, is spearheading the campaign, so naturally comes under fire from Asspritz himself. Read their ICQ exchange or his bizarre, otherworldly e-mail. Note that for the ICQ exchange, Asspritz is the 32 year old, Fuitad is the 19 year old, yet which one is more immature? (Hint: Not the one who keeps parroting how he eats dog food). Our drug addled friend seems rather eager to call in the lawyers, doesn't he? Maybe he's not making enough money from the vast legion of ads on his spam portal, and wanted to find some nice soft targets. Well sucked in asshole, none of us are believing your line of BS. As praet0rian said at the 3fs forum, "i'd like to see you approach your lawyer and tell him you'd like to sue "praet0rian"". Anyway, he's mentioned the dog food thing 3 times (so far) and threatened to sue anyone and everyone 4 times (so far). He seems convinced that because we're exposing the fact that he's a no talent moron, it leaves him free to insult everyone and generally act like a bully towards the little guys. Drunk on his super inflated ego, he even thinks he'll be able to sue people if he feels like it, for "slander". Well I've got news for you dipshit, you can sue whoever the hell you want to since you live in America, land of the free and stupid, but you're not getting anything to stick. Even Elf Life played fair compared to this guy. Using nudity to get clicks is better than OUTRIGHT LIES. Yes, you can quote me on outright lies, because: a) There's no way it's the most popular site on the internet (seeing as nobody has ever heard of it until this debacle, yet any internet user would have heard about Penny Arcade, Sluggy Freelance, PvP, User Friendly, Sinfest, etc), and b) He cannot possibly be getting 100-200,000 visitors a day. Hits I'd believe, but not visitors. Especially considering this guy's reasoning skills. One more time: Asspritz, you can't just sue people for slander BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR SHITTY COMICS. Another thing; The Forum is always open, and you don't need to sign up for anything.

A look back
Ah yes. Gaspritz. Or as we like to call him; "ass spurtz". Anyhoo, after he had been thoroughly defeated in his own forums (although he still would not admit defeat, like a 4 year old covering his ears and yelling "I'M WINNING AND YOU'RE NOT! NYA NYA!!", ass spurtz used the same tactic to deflect any logical or sensible attack on his person) he called everybody 'punk dipshit teenagers' a few more times, before wiping every trace of his arrogance off the forum he had created. He resurfaced a few days later, spamming the 3fs forum with some sort of get money for votes scam. He still refuses to remove himself from the funny papers, and his urine-yellow banner still rotates at the top. On an interesting side-note, this month (march), for the first week or two, he showed below average votes (ie; even less than 3-5 a day), then, suddenly, he shot to number 1, absolutely blitzing the current (and rightful) number 1 of Checkerboard Nightmare with an absolutely ridiculous number of 1300. Now I don't care where you come from, getting under 40 votes, to suddenly getting another thousand within a few minutes is absolutely absurd. He still maintains that they are all legitimate visitors, but contained in this thread holds the thruth behind his lies. BarrySmith rips apart asspurtz's lame arguments like a atom bomb through tissue paper. In case the thread gets deleted (asspurtz has a way of making things that prove him wrong dissappear. ie; his own forum, and numerous negative entries in his guestbook), you can find a copy of the relevant post here. What if this were real life? Say a friend you know who had constantly been struggling throughout the whole time you've known them suddenly showed up in a Rolls Royce with a brand new expensive wardrobe, and was draped in jewelry. Would you assume he came into that money legally? I thnk not. Or to make a better analogy, say someone who eats dog food makes web comics. Bad ones. Then one day he signs his ad encrusted mess of a site onto a popular voting list. For a while he performs badly, on good days he is able to keep up with the others, then within a 5 minute period, he suddenly gets over 2000 votes. He claims he is 'the most popular comic on the entire internet', yet nobody has ever heard of him before. During week long mud slinging matches, not a single fan of his supposed "fans" ever surfaces. A single fan has yet to surface, months after the fact, yet the same thing keeps happening. virtually no votes, then a sudden upsurge of 1000+. Would you find this suspicious?

Bigger Than Cheeses

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<Donitz> And now for today's lesson in xenophobia.
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